wpid-1370746726339.jpg

Encircle Your World With Stone

image

Sights:
Ancient large stones sat in a circle telling each other stories only they understood. Their unnatural shapes kept their true age vague, but you could clearly see in their gray  faces how they have so far managed to work eras into an aeon.

Sounds:
The stones tell stories but never make a sound. And even if they did, the chatter of tourists and the gusts of wind would be sure to drown them out. Laughter from people whose thoughts were far from these old grounds. The audio guides that were handed out attempted to convey the history behind the mysteries of the place, though it was difficult to concentrate on what they had to say.
image

Touch:
The air was cold and the sudden winds were icy. The audio guide in my hand was too large to fit in my pocket so I had to hold it, exposing my fingers to the ambient chill. The layer of clothes on my skin were absent heat and my jacket kept the wind out well enough, but not so much with keeping my warmth in. I imagined what it would have been like to be one of the stones here. Do they wish to bake under the summer sun on cold days like this? On the outskirts of the area, flocks of sheep in their thick warm wool walked from area to area eating in the endless sea of the moist grasses. They give less thought than me to the discomfort that what they wear fails to deter.
image

Scents:
The smell of grassy fields on grassy graves was everywhere. Occasionally, you can catch the subtle scent of dirt and sheep manure. Even more often the aroma of coffee from the nearby Stonehenge Cafe drifts by. The allure of it calls me to purchase a cup after working my way through the giftshop.
image

Tastes:
If warmth had a taste, the hot coffee and lentil with rice soup definitely delivered it. As I took sip after sip it made me wonder what kinds of other tastes I might be missing out on here in this place that I may never visit again? The pastries at the cafe, the clean stony faces of the gray giants, or even the local sheep’s grass. Perhaps curiosity and wonder ending with practicality is a necessity. Or maybe experience for experience’s sake is the right way to live this life.

Thoughts:
I must have been a child when I first learned that the stonehenge existed. And like most things in this world, it was my mind that made it out to be more than what I actually experienced the day I finally visited the location. Not to say that they weren’t as awesome as I thought they would be. It is sobering, however, to be disillusioned from misconception and to rebuild stories closer to the foundations of reality. Foundations that hopefully last longer than the stones of the stonehenge have stood.

  Folklore tells a tale of the devil buying the stones from an Irish woman and placing them where they are today. It amused him that people would never figure out how they got there.

  It delights me to know that there is so much mankind can unbury in the quest to learn what we do not know. The urge to explore and discover things which might even be irrelevant bring about byproducts of relevance. The stonehenge no longer feels like a faraway place to me anymore. It’s just a plane ride and a bus ride away. The world has simultaneously become bigger and yet smaller in my mind’s eye.
image

Encircle Your World With Stone
March 2013

?

How many Sleepless hours of how many facial muscles smiling under the sheets?
Dream-filled broken rest in the early cold minutes of an Eastern morning
I ran more than three miles along a trail of rock, sand, and dead grass, yet paid the desert no mind
For I was lost in thought and mini episodes of plays…  and found by elation. elated. elate.
To what possesses the soul within with deep unfamiliarity, I was sure we have met before
You are a familiar purity thought only to exist in distant imagination, what brings you to my reality?
And where does the grandness of this start and end? I’m at a loss for appropriate words to define you
I own it, and it owns me. Engulfed. Submerged. Omnipresent. Limitless. All in this container, in a window of time.
“Why do the pace of my breathing and heart attempt to race each other?”, the young buddha asked.
Where is the value of control and of self-awareness, when the self seems almost irrelevant in this story?
Since when does this happen? Why like this? Why now? The actual questions I want to ask you.
But in this moment, I can almost believe in anything.

What do you do for a living?

People always ask me what I do. The beauty of the question is that you can answer anything you absolutely want to… with the condition that you can back up the claim with a convincing enough story. The best way to have a convincing enough story is to make sure the story is true. The sure way to make sure your story is true is by knowing what the elements to a story are, and using the various experiences of your life to fill in the placeholders for those elements. Each detail is vivid in your mind and because stories have certain rules about them, creativity is needed to give cohesion to it all. There is no malice or ill intent  in this sort of deception, because it fulfills the need of the question: an expression of who you are, and what it is you do.


“What do you do for a living, Avi?”
“Even if I told you, you probably wouldn’t believe me.”
“Try me.”
“I’m in the business of heart breaking.”
“I’m serious…”
“I know you are, which is why I’m reciprocating.”
“What does that mean?”
“Can I ask you what you think it means?”
“I have no idea. You’re serious… You break women’s hearts? You play them? I don’t see how you consider that ‘something you do’. I wanted to know what you do for a living. Like a job.”
“Well, you have half the story already. People hire me to end their relationship.”
“How?”
“Before I let your imagination run wild, I’ll just go ahead and explain. I don’t do anything dramatic. I have them express themselves to me, and then regurgitate their thoughts and feelings back to them in my own words. Most of the time, these people just need to hear the way their thoughts play out from someone else to see the errors in how they think. I ask them if they want my advice on it, and if they do, I ask them to pay up first.”
“How much do you charge?”
“I base that on how desperate or hopeful they are. That might seem a little cruel, but those who are willing to pay realize that their relationship is worth more than my price. Those who aren’t willing really don’t seem to want to preserve their relationship to begin with, or are just cheap”
“I don’t see how that is a ‘heart breaking’ business. You’re a relationship advisor.”
“That isn’t a fun label for what I do at all. You see, the people who pay have heart breaks about the close encounter they had with a failed relationship because of their own faulty thinking — which I showed them. So while their ‘heart break’ is their own fault, I’m the catalyst for it.”
“OK…”
“And for those who don’t pay… I offer them something else. Cheap people are cheap because of their inability to properly deal with strong emotions. But that’s a topic for a different conversation. The point though is that people who can’t deal with those emotions tend to want to avoid them. And the people who won’t pay not because they’re cheap but because they really don’t want to be in the relationship anymore, I offer the same thing I offer the cheap people. One thing people like to avoid is conflict. So to mitigate the harsh emotions of their break up, I offer to write the break up letter for them. After all, by then,  I already know enough about their relationship to put into words that will seal the deal. Or more accurately, to end their contract.”
“And I assume you charge them based on how much you think they seem to want to avoid dealing with the full force of those emotions?”
“That, and I give them a guarantee”
“What’s that?”
“That to the receiver of the letter, the terms of the break up will seem comforting, the idea of it will make sense, and that it will all seem fair. Otherwise, they can keep the letter I write for free. They just can’t read it before the intended recipient reads it first.”
“That’s a pretty weird job to have. How did you even get started with it? And how do people know to come see you for this kind of stuff?”
“It’s like fate, or if you don’t believe in that, then coincidence. A lot of the time, I never know about their relationships issues until they bring it up. Just people I happen to meet. And people never know about my job until I make the offer, or they ask, just like you did. As to how I got started, I’ll save that for another time. What do you do for a living?”
“I’m still a student. I’m trying to become a Nurse, but my boyfriend doesn’t think I should. I’m minoring in Economics just in case the Nursing thing doesn’t pan out like I want it to.”
“I thought you might be a Nurse, you seem like you have caring demeanor.”
“I am caring. While you’re out there breaking hearts, I like to think that I’m someone who mends them.”
“Well, without me, you’d be out of business. And besides, I’ve come to learn that heart breaks make a person grow.”
“So you grow people for a living too, huh?”
“My life is all about helping people grow, because in the process, I grow with them. Symbiotic. And complete.”
“Well, you just need someone to break your heart if you want to grow.”
“Too bad you’re one who mends them then, huh?”

I’ll try to be as concise as I can. You know how much I care for you. I have absolutely no regrets about having met you and the wonderful experiences we shared.  There are things about us that I have come to realize and understand which are not compatible with where I see myself being in the next few months, the next few years. Now that  I’m in my third year of college, I’ve been considering what my options are as I continue to pursue my Nursing Career. When I started thinking about what was fair for the both of us…

The fruit of Abel

There was nothing more theatrical than the entrance Ms. Averi performed, Abel thought. Inside the dark room dimly lit by computer screens and energy-efficient bulbs, the opening of the door always seemed to let in a parade of sunlight and blind any creature present. Ms. Averi not only came in with solar flare, but her silhouette against the light was reminiscent of a goddess that Abel had never read about. What captivated him even more was the tune she was humming on her way in. It was of the same song he had heard on the radio a week ago and had been stuck on his mind since. Fiery goddess stuck on my mind. The subliminal messages of the show paralyzes this mortal, while on her end she simply came into the room to use the wifi.

She closes the door and the dream is over. As she came toward him, still humming the tune, Abel couldn’t help but think reality can be better than dreams.

“Is it fast today?”, Ms. Averi asked as she sat down at the table across from him.
“Bandwidth is being eaten up by everyone here”, he responded, realizing that he forgot about the presence of everyone else in the room.
“Tragedy of the commons”, she said as she opened up her laptop. The scent of her perfume, or lotion, or whatever it was… her essence… was making it’s way to his side of the table. The queen’s covert invasion, welcomed with open gates. No tragedy here… yet. “How much do you want to bet that there’s at least one person here watching porn?”, she said with that wicked smile of hers. This is the part of her warfare he liked least, but his body decidedly wanted to participate.
“Well, if there is someone else watching porn here, then there’s at least two. So with your proposition of ‘one perv’, I guess I would be ‘all in’.”
This playful war Ms. Averi likes to wage with Abel is all fun for her. It must be the thrill of not knowing who will win, but she’ll never know that it’s Abel who always loses. As much as he feels compelled to join in, this war frustrates him.
“I was going to ask how fast your porn was streaming, but I didn’t want to call you out as the bandwidth hog.”, she said not even looking up at Abel. Of course they both knew no one was watching porn. Anything remotely offensive to the morals of the government almost did not exist in this little world they were in. With her scent already overwhelming his mind, and her subtle suggestion of digital pretend voyeurism was killing him.
“So what are you working on?”, Abel asked to finally change the subject, though still wary of her response.
As she stares at her screen typing, Abel notices the mischievous expression on her face lit by her computer screen. “You’ll see.”
It wasn’t worth engaging again, Abel thought. There was never a point in doing so. No matter what Abel did or said, it only was an opportunity for Ms. Averi to exercise her persona. He knew that she knew how much she was adored by him. She was the most intelligent and beautiful woman he has ever met. But for as long as he can remember, ever since she met Avi, Abel felt he had no chance of winning her over.. and he could never really understand why. But he always would guess at the reason. Ms. Averi liked the way Avi talked and played these games with her. Ms. Averi liked older guys, and Avi seems to act old enough. Ms. Averi had a thing for guys who had inconsistencies about him, and maybe she likes puzzles. Their names sound so similar that Ms. Averi thinks they were meant for each other. Guesses that really didn’t mean anything. And on the topic of names, “ Ms. Averi” was something only Abel called her because she suggested that he do so. Honestly, it was almost as if she commanded him to. Everyone calls her by her first name, “Mariana”. And, of course, Avi uniquely calls her “Mara”, as if it was some secret special thing between them. Though it doesn’t seem like Avi pays her any special attention that would suggest the feelings she has for him is mutual. Why does she even bother to waste her time on him then?
Abel thought it was stupid to think about these things for too long. The chatter in the room broke the quiet, and he decided to get back to his work — searching for some good material on his thesis paper. He types in the address to his favorite search website, and realizes it isn’t going through. He isn’t connected to the net anymore. He realizes that the chatter in the room has a frustrated tone to it, and suddenly he knows why he isn’t connected… why no one is connected… except her.
He looks up at her to see her already looking back at him, smirking. “It looks like you solved a problem by creating one.”, he said to her, expecting her to tell him the new password. He knew that there was no way she learned to do this on her own. She’s an Nursing major with a minor in economics. Her interests are in reality TV shows, romance novels, human anatomy. And Avi. There was no way she just suddenly decided to learn how to hack an internet router to hoard the bandwidth. Avi taught her how to do this, probably after she complained about the wifi on campus always being so slow. Avi knew a little about a lot, but there was only one thing he was really interested in: getting what he wants. It seems like he’s rubbing off on her, Abel thought, feeling slightly sick about the thought. As sick as he felt, he couldn’t deny that he was impressed by her.
She still sat there looking proud of herself. “Well are you going to tell me what it is?”, Abel asked, this time being slightly more explicit about what he wanted from her.
She got up from her seat and leaned over the table to his side. As she came into his personal space, she brought along with her more of her scent, and now her warmth. She leans so close her mouth is almost touching Abel’s ear. Her hair is in his face and he feels like there is absolutely nothing he can do. He just obediently sits still.
Her breathing sounds loud and clear. And she slowly whispers, “Tragedy”.